Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
