Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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