He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize