It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need a beard to bite.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize