He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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