The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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