i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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