drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
