she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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