Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
