her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
