best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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