I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
farters have to be the big spoon...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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