I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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