you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
