I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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