If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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