How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
