I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just cut my nipple shaving
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
