bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize