It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
