this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
