I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
