problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
