I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize