I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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