Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
