suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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