the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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