We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
