Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
