She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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