No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
