Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
