Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize