Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
