never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
