I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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