I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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