You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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