I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
