I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
