I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
