Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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