I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
