So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
