Please, let me fuck your mom
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
