does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
