It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
