ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
