Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
