I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
