i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
