I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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