...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
