I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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