how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
