i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
