She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
