we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
