is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
