I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
