someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
