wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
