12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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