it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize