That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize