just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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