Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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