Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
