He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
