So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
