you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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