Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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