last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
