"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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