I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
