You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
