At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize