Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Houston, we have a blender
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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