I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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