The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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