he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
