Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
