I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
