he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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