guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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