there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
