that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
