and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize