On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
