we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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