Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize