why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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