Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
