okay pat passed out under dana's car
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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