We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize