you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
