She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
