she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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