It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize