Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
