your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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