after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
